Homesickness

This week has been great work wise, but emotionally it’s been a rough one. I arrived back to site after MSC (mid-service conference) feeling refreshed and motivated to start working. And that’s exactly what I did. I went to my school the following day and was welcomed with open arms by all of the teachers and administrative staff. I met with the vice director of my school and discussed programs I’d like to get started. To my great surprise, he was on board with everything I wanted to start (English clubs for grades 5 and 6, English club for grades 7 and 8, reading program, and girls’ club) and told me the teachers I needed to talk to and the steps I needed to take to make sure my ideas didn’t just stay ideas. I was able to meet with all the teachers and staff I needed within a few days. One of the English teachers accompanied me to every 7th and 8th grade class so I could announce the English club and the reading program. I also went to the education office and had a meeting with one of the staff members about how we should proceed this year with the English teachers. I was a little bit hesitant about this meeting since my teacher trainings last year did not go very well. We came up with an observation program to start the following week. From my observations I will provide trainings for the teachers on where I see the most improvement needs to happen. The education office told me they would discuss this with all of the teachers and make sure they all come to the trainings. So this week, I started doing observations with the English teachers. The vice director and the supervisor did these with me. After we would watch a teacher, the three of us would meet and discuss what we saw and then we invited the teacher and discussed our observations and comments with him/her. Those have been going better than I could have ever imagined. The teachers like getting the feedback and I think they appreciate the way I present my observations to them. The vice director also told me he was learning from doing the observations with me and learning about how to present feedback in a positive manner. It’s great to see these programs working, but I’m even more excited that I have Ethiopians doing these with me. The work I’m doing feels much more meaningful when I’m with Ethiopians that are excited about it as well. And hopefully this can be sustainable and it continues after I leave.

Another success this week was with the girls’ club. I attended a training right after MSC on starting a girls’ club to pilot Girl Hubs (English organization) Yegna Connections curriculum. Our first meeting was this week. It was just an introductory session, but the girls seemed excited. At first they were all quiet and shy, but by the end they all had smiles on their faces. I’m hoping this energy stays throughout the pilot and I’m even more excited to have a group of girls that I can work with.

The point of all this is to show that I’m finally doing some work that I’m proud of. But even though the past two weeks have been great work wise, emotionally I’ve felt terrible. I’m so homesick. And I was even more upset to be feeling like this while everything is going so well at work. I thought something was wrong with me. I was confused about why I was suddenly feeling this way and I’ve been trying to understand why it seems to have come about randomly. I should be happy and energetic and motivated. But the fact is, Peace Corps doesn’t get easier. No matter how long I’ve been here, it’s always difficult. Throughout this entire experience, I’ve never undergone so much loneliness for such a long period of time. You are always alone here. Yes I have my neighbors and I have my friends, but it’s not like the people I have back home. I miss talking to people and having long conversations about issues that matter. Yesterday morning as I was eating my peanut butter and honey sandwich (peanut butter and honey sandwiches are amazing) and drinking my tea, I was suddenly overwhelmed with misery. I was alone. Again. Like every other morning. Eating breakfast all by myself. It sucks. It’s really hard. I’m realizing that it doesn’t matter how much work I’m doing and how great I feel about it, I still miss my family. I miss being able to pick up the phone and call my parents or send one of my siblings a quick text. Simple things that we don’t think about back home, but that mean so much. When I got back to Butajira I felt optimistic and confident about living here another year and I guess I was just hoping that feeling would last until the end of my service. I was wishing that I had passed that first difficult year and from now on, through the next 11 months, everything would be easier. But I've soon found out that those hopes were premature. I am thankful that things are going well for me at work. But that will never fill the hole I have inside for my family and friends. I’m learning that that can never go away, no matter how meaningful and fulfilling my work is.