It's All Over

As my COS (close of service) date approaches I've been thinking a lot about what I want my final blog to sound like. I had this idea that it would be some beautiful last post on all the things I got out of Ethiopia, the lessons I had learned, the people and the experiences that would stay with me forever. But as I arrive into my final days in Butajira I'm at a loss of words and instead of words I'm filled with immense sadness and anxiety. My mind is blank. I don't know what to say because I can't believe this is over. I can't believe I'm actually leaving Ethiopia. I never really thought this day would be here. Reaching COS always seemed so exciting, but now that I've actually arrived at this point, just a handful of days away from it, I'm so incredibly sad. Don't get me wrong, reaching COS is definitely exciting. More than anything I'm so proud of myself for having lived here for 2 years. But now that I'm actually packing up my house and realizing that this all of this is real, that excitement is turning into anxiety. As I go around fulfilling my daily tasks the voice in my head reminds me "this is the last time you'll ever walk to school," "only 5 more mornings, 4 more mornings, 3 more mornings … of going across the street to the suuk for fresh bread," or "this was your last bayenet at Mamush" and when once I had thought I would be looking forward to those countdowns, now that they're here I'm scared. I'm scared of not having this routine anymore. This routine that has become my daily comfort, my life. I'm scared of the coming days when I will have to say goodbye to my host family. To my neighbors and friends. How do you say goodbye to people you will probably never see again? How do you say goodbye to a life that will seize to exist after 5 days?

I'm going to do my best to make this the final farewell I had envisioned.

These last 2 years have been the hardest of my 24. That being said they have also been the most rewarding. I cannot imagine my life today if I had never joined the Peace Corps. I remember first coming upon the Peace Corps at a career fair at UT. I was immediately drawn to serving. I had always wanted to go to Africa, but not as a tourist. I wanted to live in Africa and truly experience how that part of the world lives. For a while I had been doing some research on options I had for going across the Atlantic. 3 months after that career fair I sent my application to the Peace Corps and 9 months later I received my invitation to serve in Ethiopia. I remember opening that email and crying. I was so happy and proud. I had actually been accepted into the Peace Corps. 2 years later I can't believe this part of my life is over.

What's the biggest, most important thing I've learned after 2 years? Looking back on the work I did and the people I met, all the wonderful and horrible experiences I went through, the relationships I formed are what will stay with me.

"Peace requires the simple but powerful recognition that what we have in common as human beings is more important and crucial than what divides us" - Sargent Shriver

I couldn't agree more and this quote couldn't be more true that what I've learned in Ethiopia. Missing America and my friends and family, I learned how important culture was and how hard it was to be away from it early on into my service. But Ethiopia has taught me that no matter how different our cultures, backgrounds, and histories make us, at the end of the day we are all human. I was able to connect on a powerful, emotional level with several Ethiopians. I consider that my biggest success. I made a family here. The relationship I have with my best friend here is the same as the friendships I have back home. We have gotten past our differences as American and Ethiopian and used that to learn more about one another and become closer. A couple of days ago she came over my house and we had a 2 hour conversation, just as I would with my American friends back home. When I go have lunch with my host family I feel at home. I'm so comfortable. My Ethiopian mother kisses me and hugs me as my own Mom does. When I told her my COS date she told me she wanted me to come back to Ethiopia when I start having children so she can meet them. A couple of months ago my host father gave me some advice on finding the "ideal" partner in life. Even though I disagreed with just about everything he was saying, I felt extremely loved. He was talking to me like a father talks to his daughter. He was giving me this advice because he truly cares about me. This last week my school held a coffee ceremony for me. The director of my school (the closest person I have been to in the work place) was in Hawassa taking some summer courses at the college so I didn't expect to see him, however the teachers called him to tell him they were having a goodbye ceremony for me and he surprised me by showing up. So after reminding myself of all these beautiful moments and so many more in my service, how could I ever leave without thinking I wasn't successful? I was able to really connect with people from completely different backgrounds and histories than me. I find that truly beautiful.

So how do I say goodbye to this life?

By taking all those memories with me, into the next chapter of my life. I just hope the next 2 years are as exciting as these last 2. I'm going to remember the wonderful people that I met, the relationships and bonds I formed. I will never forget this country. Ethiopia will forever be close to my heart. 

Camp GLOW, Wondo Genet 2015

I just arrived back from camp GLOW (Guys & Girls Leading Our World) in Wondo Genet. Wondo Genet is about 30 minutes outside of Hawassa. Volunteers set up these summer camps for students in several Peace Corps countries. The camps we put together in Ethiopia are regional. Our camp in the South was made up of 15 PCVs, 10 Ethiopian counterparts and 30 high school students. Since I don't work with the high school in my town I brought my host sister Etsub and my landlord's son Kirubel. I was really happy I brought them. They've both been an important part of my service so it was wonderful getting to spend this quality time with them. Inviting them to camp was also a way for me to show them how much I appreciate the help they've given me while I've been here.

We left Butajira Monday morning and headed to Hawassa where a bus awaited all the camp members to take us to the agriculture campus in Wondo Genet where our camp was held. We took over 2 rooms for our sessions. The sleeping arrangement was dorm style. There were 6 bunks in each room and shared bathrooms for everyone. The bathrooms were pretty awful, but after living here 2 years it's funny the things that become normal and the things that you don't mind so much (such as half rusted doors to holes in the ground you're forced to go to the bathroom in and horrific smells). I wasn't thrilled having to sleep 6 to a room but it actually turned out to be kind of fun. We slept in sleeping bags on pretty uncomfortable and old pillows. It was only 4 nights though and I got to spend that time getting to know volunteers from other groups and of course spending the nights with my favorite G9s.

Camp went from 7am to 10pm for 3 days. Camp sessions were focused on gender equality, sexual health, leadership, and goal-setting. I led the session on goal-setting and was happy with the overall flow of it. The students put effort into the activity I asked them to do and seemed happy with it. 

For our last night at camp we had a candlelight ceremony. We were all standing around the bonfire, each one of us holding a candle. We each went around and said what our favorite part of camp was. One of my favorite parts, and something I also saw at the AGE Summit, was the difference in the students from day one to the last day. In the beginning none of them know each other. They come from all different towns throughout SNNPR. They are quiet and unsure of themselves. By the end of camp though they were all active and had made friends. Some of them cried during the candlelit ceremony and it was hard for them to say goodbye. One of the prizes they received was a notebook from the States. They started using them to write notes to one another to remember one another by. The whole things was pretty cute. Students kept coming up to me asking me to write them a personal note in their books. Personally, I loved getting to spend this last time with the students I brought, but Etsub and Kirubel aren't just students I took to camp. They are my brother and sister. So being with them during camp, seeing them excited to make friends, was a perfect last memory to leave Ethiopia with. Getting to spend time with my fellow PCVs was also wonderful. There are some truly amazing people in the PC. And the great thing about camp is we come together from different groups (G7 - G12) and work together to put on this camp for our kids.

I have 2 weeks left in Ethiopia but it has yet to feel like I'm leaving. Before we headed back to Butajira we stopped in Hawassa for some juice. As I started hugging all the PCVs before heading to the bus station I realized this was the last time I would see any of these people and the last time I would ever be sitting in this café, my favorite  in Hawassa. It was really sad saying goodbye and walking away as all these PCVs were  still there. I finally realized that I was going home and this community that exists among PCVs I will never have again. There's a shared bond between PCVs. We're all very different and we may not always get along, but we have a shared experience that we don't need to explain to one another. We understand each other and I'm starting to understand that this part of my life is almost over and I'm about to leave this beautiful community. As I start to go through my things, cleaning my house, and packing my luggage, I'm getting nervous about saying goodbye to the friends and family I've made in Ethiopia and I'm getting emotional about leaving my house and the home I have created.